So, I just want to start off by letting you know that Ryan and I were recently blessed with our third baby boy, Blake, on August 15, 2012. Blake definitely wanted to make sure that no one forgot the day he was born...he definitely showed me how quickly life can change. We went into the hospital on August 15th to be induced because I was already a week over my due date. Hours after I was admitted and given Pitocin the doctor decided to break my water. Immediately after breaking my water I had a prolapsed umbilical cord, the cord started to deliver before Blake and he quit breathing. The doctors at the hospital rushed me in for an emergency c-section and were able to resuscitate Blake in enough time that he suffered no brain trauma. I instantly knew when I saw him afterwards that nothing and no one could ever be more important than my kids. They are the reason that I am living and I will live my life for them until I take my last breath. It is hard for a lot of people to understand the stress and anxiety Blake's birth put on me. Now, every day I worry about the smallest things that I never did before...every little thing that happens or doesn't happen makes me question if Blake is alright. I never want to leave him in fear that something will go wrong and I will never get to him in time. Sounds crazy I know...but those who have never experienced almost losing a baby would never be able to understand the fear that comes forever after that. I love all my kids the same, just in different ways...so please do not take this as I am only saying I worry about Blake and not my other two boys. I hope that this crazy worrying and anxiety subside eventually but I have talked to professionals and family and they all say the same thing...it will never go away. I just know one thing...my babies are my world, they will always come first.
Right before Blake was born I lost one of the most important people in my life, my Nanny Rone. While growing up I was constantly with her, I looked up to her...she was my second mother. It broke my heart when I found out that she had passed away, I would never be able to talk to her or hear her amazing laugh again. Nanny was definitely one of my best friends. No matter what I would do or say she never passed judgement on me, never made me feel like I was worth less and always made me feel so loved. Nanny's birthday is coming up in a couple days...oh how I wish she was here. I love and miss you forever and always!
It is hard to find people in your life that never pass judgement on you...even family has a horrible way of making you feel like you aren't worth anything. I never do things to intentionally hurt anyone. Don't get me wrong people make me mad and I may feel like I never want to have anything to do with them ever again...but that feeling always passes. There are far more better things in life other than holding grudges...they get you no where and in the end it only hurts yourself. BLAH!
Oh wow, all this talk has made me miss an important milestone...BRYCE started Kindergarten this past year! It is so hard to believe that my first baby is already old enough to start school, where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday Ryan and I were telling everyone that we were pregnant with our first baby and now look at him...officially a big boy! I love him so much and I never imagined I could be as proud as I am to call him my son.
In one of my previous blogs I had talked about needing to lose weight...and unfortunately at that time I was not successful in doing so. GUESS WHAT!?! I am on fire now...since Blake was born I have lost 56 pounds and I am still going strong. I started using MFP again and it has helped me so much with counting my calories and recording my workouts. The friends I have on there are the best support system that a girl could ask for! I started out weighing 228 pounds and am now down to 172 pounds. I was also up to size 18 in pants and am now down to 12-14 depending on the style and brand of pants. I feel so good about myself...and it has been a very long time since I could actually say that and mean it. I think the person that has helped me the most through this process would have to be my husband. I couldn't ask for a better half, he is always there supporting me with everything that I do...and unlike most people he never gives up on me. I love him more than anything!
The top picture is the day I started working out on October 17, 2012. The bottom picture is me currently...please excuse the silly face I was having a moment. Haha!
I am pretty positive I could blog more but I think that this is enough for today. I shall return...soon!
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