So many changes...

To anyone that might be possibly reading this...it has been way too long! So many things have changed for my family and I over the past year, some good and some bad. 

So, I just want to start off by letting you know that Ryan and I were recently blessed with our third baby boy, Blake, on August 15, 2012. Blake definitely wanted to make sure that no one forgot the day he was born...he definitely showed me how quickly life can change. We went into the hospital on August 15th to be induced because I was already a week over my due date. Hours after I was admitted and given Pitocin the doctor decided to break my water. Immediately after breaking my water I had a prolapsed umbilical cord, the cord started to deliver before Blake and he quit breathing. The doctors at the hospital rushed me in for an emergency c-section and were able to resuscitate Blake in enough time that he suffered no brain trauma.  I instantly knew when I saw him afterwards that nothing and no one could ever be more important than my kids. They are the reason that I am living and I will live my life for them until I take my last breath. It is hard for a lot of people to understand the stress and anxiety Blake's birth put on me. Now, every day I worry about the smallest things that I never did before...every little thing that happens or doesn't happen makes me question if Blake is alright. I never want to leave him in fear that something will go wrong and I will never get to him in time. Sounds crazy I know...but those who have never experienced almost losing a baby would never be able to understand the fear that comes forever after that. I love all my kids the same, just in different ways...so please do not take this as I am only saying I worry about Blake and not my other two boys. I hope that this crazy worrying and anxiety subside eventually but I have talked to professionals and family and they all say the same thing...it will never go away. I just know one thing...my babies are my world, they will always come first.

Right before Blake was born I lost one of the most important people in my life, my Nanny Rone. While growing up I was constantly with her, I looked up to her...she was my second mother. It broke my heart when I found out that she had passed away, I would never be able to talk to her or hear her amazing laugh again. Nanny was definitely one of my best friends. No matter what I would do or say she never passed judgement on me, never made me feel like I was worth less and always made me feel so loved. Nanny's birthday is coming up in a couple days...oh how I wish she was here. I love and miss you forever and always! 

It is hard to find people in your life that never pass judgement on you...even family has a horrible way of making you feel like you aren't worth anything. I never do things to intentionally hurt anyone. Don't get me wrong people make me mad and I may feel like I never want to have anything to do with them ever again...but that feeling always passes. There are far more better things in life other than holding grudges...they get you no where and in the end it only hurts yourself.  BLAH!

Oh wow, all this talk has made me miss an important milestone...BRYCE started Kindergarten this past year! It is so hard to believe that my first baby is already old enough to start school, where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday Ryan and I were telling everyone that we were pregnant with our first baby and now look at him...officially a big boy! I love him so much and I never imagined I could be as proud as I am to call him my son. 

 In one of my previous blogs I had talked about needing to lose weight...and unfortunately at that time I was not successful in doing so. GUESS WHAT!?! I am on fire now...since Blake was born I have lost 56 pounds and I am still going strong. I started using MFP again and it has helped me so much with counting my calories and recording my workouts. The friends I have on there are the best support system that a girl could ask for! I started out weighing 228 pounds and am now down to 172 pounds. I was also up to size 18 in pants and am now down to 12-14 depending on the style and brand of pants. I feel so good about myself...and it has been a very long time since I could actually say that and mean it. I think the person that has helped me the most through this process would have to be my husband. I couldn't ask for a better half, he is always there supporting me with everything that I do...and unlike most people he never gives up on me. I love him more than anything!


The top picture is the day I started working out on October 17, 2012. The bottom picture is me currently...please excuse the silly face I was having a moment. Haha!


I am pretty positive I could blog more but I think that this is enough for today. I shall return...soon!


 

Things have to get better...

Have you ever wondered why things, particularly bad things, have to happen to us? My family and I are having a rough time right now and I catch myself asking if things will ever go back to normal. I love my boys and husband more than life itself...and to think that struggling is all we have to look forward to breaks my heart. I wish I could go back and do some things different...then maybe our life wouldn't be so darn difficult :( Christmas is right around the corner and this year I just have one wish...for us all to be happy again. 

Brayden's 2nd Birthday :)

Well, Ryan and I sat down last night and created Brayden's birthday invitations. I think this one is the best out of all the invitations we have created so far :) For whoever might be reading this let me know what you think of it...your feedback is MUCH appreciated. Last night I also went online and picked out all of his decorations...we have officially decided on Scooby Doo this year...or according to Brayden, "Doo-Doo". Well...let me know what you think! TA TA!

Wow...it's been too long!

Well, it has been too long since the last time I posted a blog...I am WAY past due for a new one. Let me start off by saying so much has changed since the last time I posted. I am no longer employed at Walmart...THANK GOD! LOL! I have returned to being a full time stay at home Mommy...what can I say I think it is my calling. My husband recently started a new job and although he makes more money it has been a rough first week for us all. He leaves right before bedtime (for the boys) and gets home when they are waking up...and when he gets home he has to sleep until it is time for him to go back in. I think the one thing I have been telling myself that is helping me get through it is that when he works 4 days he is off 4 days...so I guess that is a huge plus :) I just love spending time with him and I hate it when he isn't here :( ANYWHO! My boys are getting big and continue to learn new things every day. Brayden will be turning 2 on November 2 and it saddens me. It is so hard to believe that Ryan and I have been parents for almost 5 years. It seems like it was just yesterday Ryan proposed and we were planning a wedding and NOW we have two boys. Time sure does fly...I wish I could capture each special moment with them and put it somewhere so that I could pull it out and take a peek any time I wanted. As they grow older I am starting to realize that before I know it they will no longer be my little babies anymore and Mommy won't be the most important thing to them....**TEARS ARE STARTING TO FLOW** Being a Mommy is the best thing in the world and even though there will be a lot of heartbreak on my end as the years go by I will never regret having them...they are my everything. I am rather tired and I think Brayden is FINALLY asleep so it is time for this Momma to hit the sack also. I plan on blogging more...and I hope whoever you are, wherever you are that you continue to read about my life...and feel free to comment and let me know you are reading. :) TA TA!

Tired of feeling this way...

Hello world! Has anyone ever felt like they put people first that continually put you last? I feel like I am constantly left out and ignored until the time is right and I am "needed". I am tired of worrying about how everyone else feels when no one seems to care how I feel they just focus on what makes them happy at the moment...jealousy? Maybe. If you want to call the fit I am having right now jealousy than go right on ahead. I am just tired of being taken for granted...one of these days they will look around and realize I am no longer there, and when that time comes it will be too late to fix anything. ACTUALLY...the damage is done there is no fixing anything now. This is it from now on no more bending over backwards to make people happy when obviously they will never do the same for me :( You know that saying, "Life's a dance you learn as you go"? Well by now I know all the moves and I have finally learned the hard way that everyone is only out for themselves. Now I am going to end this rant on a good note and say that I am looking forward to the three day weekend with the three best people in the world! TA TA for now! 

AGHHH I gotta lose weight.....

Well...I am in awe of how excited I have been since I wrote my lost post to write another. I never imagined I would get enjoyment out of putting my thoughts out there for numerous people to read and comment on. Yes, I understand that at this point in my blogging I have no followers, but I am confident that one day someone will find what I have to say somewhat interesting. The thought of someone I don't know taking time out of their day to read what I have to say and how I feel...well that thought completely and whole heartily excites me.
I turned 25 on March 19th of this year...and since then I have been been undergoing major changes. I hit rock bottom with my weight this year. I am quite sure that almost two months ago I weighed the most I have ever weighed in my life...and that in turn is why I think I have been battling with a minor case of depression. It was getting to the point to where if we were in a public place I didn't want to sit too close to anyone in fear that they would see the rolls and flab that seemed to have overcome my body. I guess I felt as though if I stayed far enough of away from people they would somehow not be able to see the extra layers of blubber I had gathered since having my youngest son...I should have known better! I think that the thing that pushed me over the edge was when we had family pictures taken in March. I was so excited to get the pictures back and show everyone, that was until they actually came in and I saw how horrid I looked. I felt like a huge whale and the first thing anyone would see when they looked at them was how enormous Brittany was. I hated the way I looked...point blank. SO...that is when I realized that if I didn't like the way I looked I was the only one that was going to be able to change it. I recently purchased the iPhone 4 and found an app that seemed pretty neat and was called "My Fitness Pal". In this app it had me record my height, weight and age. After the program done some configuring it then gave me the number of calories I should be taking in on a daily basis...I was shocked when I realized I was consuming almost TRIPLE the amount of calories I was supposed to be. Along with tracking my calorie intake I also work out everyday with the Wii Fit Plus. I run at least 4-5 miles a day and I weigh in once a week. As of today I have lost 13 pounds and I couldn't be happier! I can tell in my stomach how much I have lost and some of my older clothes are actually starting to fit the way they should again. I am honestly so very proud of myself and if it weren't for the support I have from my husband I am not sure if I could have even made it this far. I still have a ways to go before I hit my goal/ideal weight (70 pounds to be exact), but I am confident that I can do it. Below is the the day of my birthday and just a couple days before I decided to make a change with how I looked...I am hoping next year when we take a birthday picture I will look 10 times better :)

A new beginning....

Hello! My name is Brittany Higginbotham (obviously) and I am jumping into this blog with no prior experience or knowledge on blogging. I guess I should start off by saying that I am a proud mother of two boys, Bryce and Brayden, and I am also the wife of one of the best men I have ever met in my life, Ryan. I am not quite sure as to what made me want to start blogging...other than the fact that I was entirely fed up with how drama-filled and boring Facebook was becoming...yes I am sad to admit I was once a Facebook addict. I want to tell people about how I am feeling and what new things I am facing in my life, but without the fear of offending or ticking someone off and having them vent about me through a "status update". I honestly feel as though there are so many good things that I should be happy and proud of in my life...but most of the time there are hardly any people out there that care enough to listen to me talk about them. OK OK OK on to the good stuff :) 

Let's see...maybe I should tell you a little bit about me as a person and what I like doing. I just recently turned 25 and I have been married for almost 5 years. I love my family more than life itself and while sometimes I have a poor way of showing it, I would do anything in my power to make them happy. I ABSOLUTELY love reading, scrap booking, taking pictures and just recently my husband has opened up the world of photoshop to me and I have set my goal to mastering it. After spending a full year at home with my boys I recently decided to venture out into the real world and find a part time job. I am proud to say I am now an employee at our local Walmart Supercenter...WOW that sounded a lot better in my mind than it looks in this blog. OH WELL...this is something I feel as though I need to do for myself and my family and in the end that is all that really matters, regardless as to what other people might say or think about it.

Let's see...something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately is that my oldest, Bryce, is getting ready to turn four!!! It is scary to think that it feels like it was just yesterday that my husband and I found out we were going to be having him. I wish that I would have known that time would go by this fast and maybe then I would have treasured the little moments more than what I did. I guess you can't turn back the hands of time...you can only learn from what you know and grow from it. I am terrified of Bryce starting school and not being Mommy's little boy anymore. He has already gotten to where he doesn't like to hug and kiss me as much anymore and he just wants to be "tough" too dang much already...I wish there was a way to pause time and live in this moment forever. My biggest fear is that he will forget all about how special he is to me and he will not want to be around me anymore...wow I sound so pathetic! OK...enough of that I want to show you, whoever you are, the party invitations that with the help of my husband I created in photoshop...

So, if anyone is reading this please tell me what you think! On to the next one...

My youngest, Brayden, is almost 18 months now. It saddens me to think that time since he was born seems to have went quicker than it did with Bryce. WHY? Maybe the reason is because I was too caught up in life's daily rituals and responsibilities to really enjoy his "baby days". It seems as though he has done and continues to do things quicker than Bryce EVER did. I honestly don't think that it is because he "smarter"...I think his big brother is just doing an awesome job at showing him what being a little boy is all about. Brayden is such a goofy little boy!! He loves to "tickle" everyone and even when it hurts you can't help but laugh. He has a head full of curls and I just can't bring myself to take him to get his "first haircut". How do you honestly decide when it is the right time? Do we ever really decide for ourselves...maybe when society decides to start calling your little boy a little girl you think it is time to define his sex and take him to a hair butcher and say, "whack it off and while your at it make him look like a boy". WHO KNOWS!?! Do you think it is time for a haircut???

Well...the last person I am going to talk about tonight is the love of my life, Ryan. Some people say they love their spouse...but are they in love or just content and happy with loving them because they are married? Well, let me tell you...I am madly in love with this man and I know I will be in love him until the day I die. Never would I have imagined when Ryan and I started dating in September of 2002 that we would be married and have two kids 9 years later. There are times when we talk that we both wish that we would have enjoyed each other more before we decided to add to our family...but we both know when we look into our babies eyes that we wouldn't change it for anything. Ryan is my rock...end of discussion. He supports me with everything I do and loves me unconditionally regardless as to if I make mistakes or not. Can you honestly say that you married your best friend? Well...I can honestly say that I married my best friend. I never want to live a day without him. Ryan has recently started studying to become a Graphic Designer at Full Sail University, and I couldn't be any more proud of him than I am now. He is not only a full time student, but he is also a full time employee at FedEx Office, a full time Daddy and a WONDERFUL full time husband. I couldn't ask for a better man to be sharing my life with...

Well, I am going to end this post here...but I look forward to telling you more another day...